all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
