he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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