I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
