Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
