So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
