Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
