just come out here and I will go home with you...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
