Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
