Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
