The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
