apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
