I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
