he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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