I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
