I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
