Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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