I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
