It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
