roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
