we have officially lost it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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