When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
