u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
