if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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