you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
