Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
