I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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