I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
