I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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