I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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