i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
