Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
