the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
