you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
