we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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