He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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