Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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