I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
