this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
