You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
