hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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