Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
