You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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