you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
