I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
