Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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