new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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