Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
