Your tits are I can't wait for
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
