no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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