Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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