I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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