There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
