Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
