After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
