SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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