My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
